Why is everyone leaving dating apps - and should you?
As a sexologist and relationship counsellor, I've been watching a fascinating trend unfold on TikTok: the #boysober challenge. Young women are swearing off dating apps, dates, exes, and hook-ups. But why?
LISTEN TO TANYA ON ABC RADIO NATIONAL DISCUSSING THE #BOYSOBER CHALLENGE
It seems the current dating pool has become a bit of a toxic puddle. My colleagues in research have found that many women encounter technologically facilitated violence on dating apps. This includes abusive behaviour, unsolicited sexual imagery, fraudsters, bullying, and even stalking.
Shockingly, many women have normalised this behaviour as part and parcel of online dating. The impact is not just on women either, as many men who conduct themselves in respectful ways are experiencing pushback from women who have had bad experiences.
Despite government efforts to address these issues, including a National Roundtable on Online Dating Safety last year, the burden of protection still falls heavily on women's shoulders. It's no wonder that dating app use is declining, with many industry giants, like Tinder, seeing a drop in user activity.
The #boysober trend reflects a growing frustration with the risks and emotional labour involved in online dating.
Women are prioritising their mental and physical health over the potential of meeting a partner through these platforms. And fair enough, I say!
As a sexologist, I'm all for healthy, consensual relationships, hook ups, situationships, whatever you wish to create. But when the path to finding those relationships is fraught with harassment and fear, something's got to give.
The dating app industry needs to step up and create truly safe, respectful spaces for connection. We as a community also need to be looking out for each other and calling in friends and family who may be acting with a lack of respect or responsibility.
So, if you're feeling overwhelmed by dating apps, know that you're not alone. It's okay to take a break, to go #boysober if that feels right for you.
Focus on self-care, on building strong friendships, and on understanding what you truly want from a relationship.
I strongly recommend holding lightly to communications on dating app and dipping in and out when you have the time and energy.
And if you're struggling with experiences from online dating or need support in navigating the modern dating landscape, remember that help is available. At Pleasure Love Relating, we offer a safe space to discuss these issues and work towards healthier relationships - with others and with yourself.
For those in the helping professions, I'm running training courses on supporting clients through these modern dating challenges. We cover everything from online safety to building self-esteem and setting healthy boundaries.
Remember, your wellbeing comes first. Whether you choose to use dating apps or go #boysober, the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.
Stay safe and take care, Tanya
