Ghosting: When Relationships Go Bump in the Night

It's Halloween, and while we're talking about spooky things, let's discuss something that can be truly frightening in relationships - ghosting. 

As a sex and relationship therapist, I've seen how ghosting can haunt people long after the relationship ends. And let's face it, feeling abandoned is pretty scary stuff.

What is Ghosting?

Ghosting occurs when someone ends a relationship by completely disappearing - no explanation, no goodbye, just *poof* - they're gone. Sometimes it's abrupt, other times it's a gradual fade after attempted relationship repairs. Either way, it leaves one person wondering what went wrong and the other avoiding difficult conversations.

The Haunting Effects

When someone ghosts you, they leave behind a trail of unanswered questions that can rattle around in your mind:

- "Did I do something wrong?"

- "Was I not good enough?"

- "How could they just disappear like that?"

These questions can chip away at your confidence and make it harder to trust in future relationships. It's like emotional trick-or-treating, except instead of getting treats, you're left holding an empty bag wondering what happened.

Why People Ghost

Sometimes people ghost because they're trying to avoid causing pain - ironically, often causing more harm in the process. Others might ghost because they:

- Feel overwhelmed by difficult conversations

- Want to avoid conflict

- Feel shame or guilt about ending things

- Don't know how to express their feelings

- Are conflict-avoidant

A Better Way Forward

Here's the thing: it doesn't take much to end a relationship respectfully and authentically. You don't need to write a novel or have a three-hour conversation. Sometimes a simple message is enough:

"I've appreciated our time together, but I don't feel this is working for me. I wish you well."

That's it. Short, honest, and respectful.

When Ghosting Might Be OK

While I generally advocate for clear communication, there are times when ghosting might be appropriate - particularly in situations involving harassment or when your safety is at risk. Your wellbeing always comes first.

This Halloween, Don't Be a Ghoster

Unless you're trick-or-treating, ghosting isn't a great look. It's OK to end relationships - they don't all work out, and that's normal. But taking a moment to provide closure can make a world of difference to someone's healing process.

Remember, we're all human beings with feelings, hopes, and fears. Treating each other with respect and kindness, even when things end, helps create a world with less misunderstanding and stress and more understanding.

If you're struggling with being ghosted or finding it hard to end relationships clearly, reaching out to a relationship counsellor can help. We can work together to process these experiences and develop healthier ways of managing relationship endings.

Happy Halloween! May all your relationship endings be treated with respect, not tricks. 🎃

*Tanya Koens is a qualified Sex Therapist and Relationship Counsellor at Pleasure Love Relating. For more information or to book a session, check out our offerings at www.pleasureloverelating.com